


Things That Make Me

by Ellie5192



Series: Two Birds [5]
Category: E/R (1984)
Genre: Eve and Howard established, F/M, or at least their first as a couple, their first fight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-26
Updated: 2013-03-26
Packaged: 2017-12-06 13:54:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/736423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellie5192/pseuds/Ellie5192
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“The things that make me different are the things that make me.” <br/>― A.A. Milne</p><p>She sounds genuinely concerned for the state of other people’s positions; much more than for her own. It’s that more than anything else which drains him of the last of his fight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Things That Make Me

**_Things That Make Me_ **

 

“I can’t believe you would go behind my back like that”

Howard follows Eve into the break room, closing the door behind him forcefully as she spins around to face him, her hands fisted in anger.

“Who’s going behind your back, I didn’t-“

“Howard, as Head of this department, it is up to me to-“

“It was a simple shift change Eve- I don’t know why you’re getting so upset”

Her eyes narrow and she huffs at him, her finger pointed, her other hand on her hip.

“Oh, you _do_ know why I’m upset, you know exactly why I’m upset, which is why you didn’t mention this to me in the first place”

He throws his hands in front of him, half exasperated, half confused. “I didn’t mention it because I didn’t think it was a big deal” he says, his voice pitched higher.  
  
“Howard, when Mr. Stickley comes down here questioning me about the staff in this E.R and I’m not aware of the people who are even working, how do you think that makes me look?”

He hadn’t considered that point of view before, but he’s not about to tell her that. “Well, I didn’t know that Stickley was coming in tonight, did I?”

She rolls her eyes and then frowns at him again, giving a pointed look. “That’s not the point and you know it. All decisions like this have to run through me. I won’t stand over you as a doctor, but when it comes to the administration of this department, Howard, I am in charge”

“Duly noted” he says sarcastically. He’s never had a problem with her being his boss, nor has it been an issue since they started seeing each other. What bothers him is her management style; she’s a wonderful administrator, but sometimes he thinks she gets caught up in the rule book instead of her people. He’s always been the opposite, and it bothers him to clash with her over these things.

She’s looking at him out the corner of her eye like he’s an unruly child, a derisive look on her face, both hands on her hips now.

“I would have thought that given the discussion I had with Joan all those months ago about these very issues, you would be less careless” she says seriously.

“All Julie asked was if she could switch shifts with another nurse for the night” he says, trying to pacify. “I know Polly, I know she can handle it, and I didn’t think it was a big deal to say yes”

“Nurse Murray does not work in this department, Howard, and as such her suitability for swapping shifts with Julie should have been okay’ed by me, regardless of whether you know her or not” she replies with finality. He nods and throws his hands in the air, taking a seat at the table and conceding her point.

“From now on, could you please _not_ show that kind of initiative and just run it by me first?” she continues, softer now, the heat of the moment wearing off. “I need to be in the loop. Stickley almost had very good reason tonight to put me out of my job. Not to mention what he could have done to you, or to Julie, or to Polly for that matter”

She sounds genuinely concerned for the state of other people’s positions; much more than for her own. It’s that more than anything else which drains him of the last of his fight. She’s a good boss; a fair worker, if a little tough sometimes. He should have done the right thing by her position, even if it did seem a bit redundant at the time.

“Alright. Okay. I understand. You’re the boss” he says neutrally, pacifying her with honesty.

“Yes. I am” she says, reiterating why this has got her so worked up, taking a seat across from him as the last of her own anger fades away. He chances a look at her, confused to see that she’s off in her own world, contemplating something beyond the immediate. She’s staring at the tabletop, one finger tracing a kink in the material.

“So what exactly did you say to stay out of trouble anyway?” he asks lightly, shaking her out of her reverie, his brow slightly knitted. Stickley had been obnoxious and bombastic and very close to firing half of the department. Only a few minutes later, after a private talk with Eve, he’d been happy to overlook the incident. Howard has no idea what she said to placate the man, but it must have been big, and that worries him.

“Don’t worry about it” she dismisses, almost too casually.

“No, come on, I want to know”

If for no other reason than he’s her colleague and cares about her, he wants to know what she’s giving up. The possessive part of him- the part that’s now allowed to kiss her and ask about her day- wants to know, purely because he just does. She ignores both.

“Howard, it’s fine. What’s done is done, it’s all smoothed over. Now, can we please be mindful in the future?”

“Okay” he answers, still confused over why she’s being so evasive.

“Thank you. And I’m sorry I yelled” she says sheepishly. She also remembers Howard telling her to deal with people a little more gently, and she knows she was very abrasive with him, even if it was in private.

“I guess I deserved it” he concedes, shrugging one shoulder and giving her his own guilty look.

“You did a bit. But I still need to learn to control my temper”

He snorts, and says nothing, and they smirk at each other. Howard stands and takes a step closer to her, picking up her hand and kissing the back of her knuckles. They’ve been fairly clear on keeping things as professional as possible at work, but he doesn’t think this oversteps any boundaries, and the way she smiles at him tells him he’s safe.

“You do have a fiery temper sometimes. Usually because of me”

Her smile turns into a smirk.

“But that’s just part of who you are. I accept that. God knows I’m not perfect either”

Her look turns pointed, but she doesn’t comment. He’s still holding her hand, and she squeezes his fingers in acknowledgement. He squeezes hers back.

“Thank you. And I’m sorry I snapped”

“You had every right to. You’re right; you’re the boss. I was in the wrong here, and for that I apologise”

“Thank you”

He squeezes her fingers again and moves for the door as she stands. He’s just reaching for the handle when he stops and turns back to her, an apprehensive and somewhat nervous expression on his face.

“Eve…”

“Yes?”

“Will you tell me what you offered Stickley to get him to back down?”

Howard’s face looks searching; concerned more than curious, as though he knows it can’t be good for her. The sentiment is touching, but it doesn’t ease her feelings of dread. Eve lets out all her breath, her shoulders sagging and a pained expression crossing her face as she leans against the back of the chair.

“He told me that if I went for dinner with him then he’d be willing to overlook this instance of poor management”

Howard’s mouth drops open in indignation and rage.

“Did you tell him you’d be filing sexual harassment charges?” he says, and she finds it sweet that he’s so concerned about her honour, even though they both know she can handle herself just fine.

“Well, given in this case he actually had grounds to do something, I told him I would”

She’s looking at her hands, looking like a chastised child, and she chances a glance at Howard. He has an unreadable expression on his face; a mix of worry, outrage and disappointment. She hadn’t wanted to tell him the details, not because she’s ashamed of the choice- it saved many jobs after all- but because she knew he wouldn’t be happy with it. They can barely tolerate Stickley at the best of times, and the thought of going for dinner with him is wholly unpleasant. Howard is not an unreasonably proud man, but she does understand that he’s not happy about this, mainly for her sake.

Howard moves back towards her, a frown on his face, his steps hesitant.

“Eve… you don’t have to do this”

“Yes I do, Howard”

“There are other ways to smooth this over” he says beseechingly.

“Maybe. But for now, this is the deal I’ve made, and I’m going to stick to it”

He doesn’t seem appeased, and she understands that, but it doesn’t make her feel better about the evening she’ll have to spend with her boss that she’d rather be spending with him.

“I don’t like it any more than you” she says directly to him. “But I’ll go to one dinner and it will be done. It’s not ideal, but it is the quickest and least painful way to deal with this. It’s done”

“I doesn’t seem worth it” he says, shaking his head, begrudgingly admitting defeat.

“If it saves this department, then it is” she says quietly, playing her nail against the chair she’s been leaning on. She looks up after a moment to see Howard looking at her, his expression intense and undiscernible. He closes the gap between them, his face unreadable, and gently places his hands against her shoulders.

“I’m sorry I’ve put you in this position” he says softly, seriously.

“Howard, it’s not your fault Stickley is a creep. And you don’t have to worry. I’ll be home that night at the earliest opportunity”

His eyes are still intense as they look her over, cataloguing her and, dare she say, admiring her. She feels very small under that look, like she has a lot of expectations to live up to. Howard, on the other hand, can’t stop mulling over how unexpectedly selfless she’s being. He knows her well enough to know that she’d love nothing more than to fight Stickley tooth and nail, and if it was just her at risk she would. But instead she’s putting aside her dignity to go to dinner with him, for the sake of sparing her department an investigation and whatever else Stickley could throw at them.   

Despite their rules about work, he leans in and presses a quick kiss to her lips, and she doesn’t stop him. It’s brief and sweet and speaks of his trust and admiration for her.

She smiles at him when they pull away.

“You’re amazing” he says simply.

She can do nothing but let out a bark of laughter. Of all the things she was expecting, it was not that.

“Even with my bad temper” she says.

“Even then” he agrees with a smile, stepping quickly away from her before he does something ridiculous like kiss her onto the couch and refuse to let her up.

“Drinks?” she asks.

“Everyone?”

“Houlihans?”

“I’ll let the troops know” he says with a grin, stepping back towards the door.

“Great. And Howard?”

“Yeah?”

“Don’t worry about this dinner thing. It’ll be fine”

“I know you will” he says with a smile, opening the door. She doesn’t miss the slip he makes.

“Thanks” she replies with a smile of her own. He steps back out into the E.R and she follows a few steps behind, grinning as she hears him excitedly tell Joan that they’re having after-work drinks. Across the way she spots the young nurse Polly preparing a bed for a car accident that’s being called in, and she makes a mental note to get to know her, determined that she’ll never have to go on another dinner date with Harold Stickley again.   

She sees Howard wink at her across the room and smiles to herself. It’s one dinner, she tells herself. And then it’s all done. 

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly, I have no idea how this chapter turned out. I needed something before the next one (because it's a big one and I've already almost finished it), but I'm not sure how this one fits. Please let me know what you think.


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